the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
