I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
