What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
