i just made my gag reflex go away.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Found your dick twin last night
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
