This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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