my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
