I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
