hell yes lets make some ravioli
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
