he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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