the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
