eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Are my feet made of real feet?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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