Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
