You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
