grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
