Who did Billy Mays play for?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
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