She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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