Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
