The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
