I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
