Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I am available for nakedness
Randomize
