im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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