hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
