I faked an abortion last night.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
