My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
