Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
