i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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