I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
