chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
