can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
