Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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