i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
