...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
You are a genius and a whore.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
