Don't make out with my wife yet
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
