You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
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