I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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