Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
