Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
