the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
