I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
