i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I just forgot I was standing up.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
