Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
