bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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