I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
