I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
