ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
