I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
