Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
