The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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