I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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