I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
So vagazzling was a success
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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