you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
So many bounce houses so little time
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
