Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Don't make out with my wife yet
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
