Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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