Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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