I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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