I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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